Its been a hectic few months since May.  I'm now a mini restauranteur, relocating our restaurant which has had 23 years history at that location to a brand new one, opening a bistro coffee shop- which is unchartered territory for me and my senior.  I'm saying my senior as my boss is also my father.  This blog will be a little window to my world, as a mini restauranteur.

Where shall I start... Around 2 months ago, I was driving back to my Mum's house from my restaurant, when I get a call from my Father 

'Your Grandma is going into ICU, we are there now, wait for us at home, if things get bad we will call you'  

I stopped my car in the middle of the road and thought- no way am I going to sit around waiting for that phone call, my Grandma is my rock, my strength and without her I would not be who I am now.  I turned back and the only thought in my head was- she must be so scared I have to be there for her. 

The next evening we were having dinner, my Mum got a call from the hospital

' Its serious, she needs as much support as possible, be prepared and make sure you see her as much as you can'

We all froze, a lump formed in my throat, I had to be composed, I had guests, we excused ourselves and headed to the hospital.  We got there and the minute I saw her tears started to swell up in my eyes, I couldn't breathe, I could not break down in front of her. I stayed with her as long as I could, then I left and told my Grandma's sister in law to go into ICU to see her.  I broke down outside, how could someone who has been my life, brought me up and has never failed me be in that state, how could I ever had let her be in that state?  So much was going through my head, but I have to be her strength now, she needs me like how I have needed her and still do.

My Grandma is out of hospital, but she's not the same physically and emotionally.  Every night I get these horrible thoughts going through my head that I will never be able to taste her cooking anymore, which makes me wish I went home more for dinner.  I think back on all the situation where I've taken her for granted and I kick myself and hope that she realises that I love her more than life and I would do anything to take the pain away from her.  I even sometimes think, maybe if I didn't move to Hong Kong and if we were all staying in London that this would have never happened.  Then I remind myself I cannot dwell in the what ifs in life I need to grab every opportunity with her now, make sure she's happy and as comfortable as she can be.

Coinciding with this situation, we closed up our restaurant in our old location and 24 years of memories seemed so remote to me, I grew up in that restaurant and now it was being taken away from me.  But hey ho new chapter new leaf.  It took a lot of sleepless nights to build and make sure that the team I wanted was going to start this new chapter with me.  The last five days I was on 12 hours of sleep or so, but perseverance is always rewarded and my team was built and what a great team it is!

My team went with my senior to Shanghai, there's this stupid thing called reinstatement, where we have to return our site to a bare shell state, in accordance to the landlords guidelines.  That was a hard week of battling with landlords and contractors who were trying to pass blame on me.  My team was not with me so I was a one man army, to be honest from day one it has been a one man army with my senior guiding me slightly and giving me the ok.  I have only been doing this from May.  I held my head up high and told myself 

'I will not be satisfied with who I am today, I will be more satisfied with who I will be tomorrow'  

I got past that emotional couple of months with help from a few people- special mention to my Baby Giraffe.

Recently, I've been thinking to myself- I'm not as strong as I make myself out to be, but I am stronger than I think.  There has been a dip in my confidence, I guess I have to allow myself to be vulnerable in certain ways, but today I reminded myself- you know what I can always do better in everything.  

On a lighter note, I'm crap at surprises, not receiving them but giving them, I get too excited,  I've been looking for something, its taken a while, but I think I've got that near perfect something.  You'll find out soon!  I promise tomorrow will be a lighter post.